Unless you are living under a rock, in which case you aren’t reading this blog in the first place, you are aware of the multiple allegations of sexual assault aimed at comedian Bill Cosby. Of course you are obviously a hyper vigilant informed individual if you have found the musings of this sage and seer wannabe. I hope what I am about to say in this posting will help each of us to be better agents of societal change as Bill Cosby can be if he will address three components of his life.

The recent storm started when comedian Hannibal Buress repeatedly called Cosby a rapist during a show in Philadelphia. A clip of Burress’ standup bit went viral and in its wake a lady named Barbara Bowman says Cosby raped her and called him “a monster.” All total, fifteen women have surfaced who claim the famed pusher of Jell-O Pudding was aggressively inappropriate with them. Now no one knows what really happened except the women who are slinging mud and the Cos himself. Most of us are pretty sure Cosby did something morally wrong, but I must add that drinking wine with a man while you’re both in pajamas in a hotel room is not the best way to avoid a sexual situation, just sayin.

We do know that what prompted Hannibal Buress to put those slanderous remarks in his routine was Cosby using his platform of fame to moralize about the alleged dysfunction of the American Black male. People like Buress were especially outraged that Cosby responded to the shooting death of Michael Brown in Ferguson Missouri by questioning why Michael Brown was stealing from a convenience store in the first place.

If I were Bill’s spiritual advisor, I would commend him for the courage to resist the rules of political correctness to address a very sensitive issue. Then there are three components of his life I would ask him to reflect on. The first one he can’t change, but sometimes changing your story can change everything. The goal of creating generational change is so noble; this is why in part, I am a fan of Dr. Benjamin Carson;a black male political activist who seems to approach generational change the correct way. Well, back to Bill Cosby and the three things I would like to tell him.

1. We must be able to see where we are part of the problem and we almost always are.

Whenever you want to get on your moral high horse about others’ sins, touch base with the simple wisdom of Jesus where he said, “First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:5 (NIV)

Cosby has admitted to marital unfaithfulness. By his own admission he told one longtime girlfriend that he wanted to put an end to their relationship, and then he invited the woman and her mother, who had always disapproved of her daughter being involved with a married man, out to dinner. “I’m very happy to be here,” the mother told Cosby, “because I always thought you had more sense than that!”

By not modeling fidelity and connectedness to his own family and children he is behaving exactly like the men in the hood who move irresponsibly from one female to another. He can still call out the “brothers” but he needs to say, “we need to change,” not “you need to change.”

By the way, are there not places where this same advice applies to you and I? Aren’t we all calling for change in someone else but not being real about how we are NOT being the change we want to see.

2. We must lead the call for change with an admission of our own sins.

Seeing we’re wrong doesn’t have any power if we don’t say it. People don’t intuitively know you’re contrite, they only start to know when you tell them. Silence can mean smugness. Communicating weakness is a great position to start from if you want to succeed in the human change business.

By the way, our own brokenness doesn’t disqualify us from being influential in making the world a better place and helping others to get better, but ignoring our sin does. As cruel and critical as society can be, humanity can seldom resist a man or woman who is humble. I am not suggesting that Bill Cosby or anyone else has to share the sordid details of their past but if you want to build rapport with your audience, gain permission to correct them by letting them know you are first in line for chastening. “I am wrong, please forgive me,” will lower resistance in some of the most hardened humans.

3. We must make sure our truth is spoken in love.

I have heard some of Cosby’s comedic rants about black men who need to pull their pants up and learn to speak proper English. He’s got a point but great prophets don’t mock, they plead. Great change agents don’t taunt, they appeal. Scripture says, we are to “go into the highways and byways and compel them to come in.” In another place it says, “Come now let us reason together, though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as snow.” While at times I am objective enough to hear truth from someone who is being a jerk, generally speaking, if you want to change me you better sound like you love me. Even more to the point, don’t just pontificate from the vantage point of a stage but come to my neighborhood to make your speech.

Even though Bill Cosby’s house is only about an hour from my office, he will never see my words so obviously I am not trying to get a message to “Dr. Huxtable.” It’s you and I who can create positive change in the people who know us by 1) Seeing where we are a part of the problem in our relational system, 2) Lead the call for repentance by admitting our own sins first and 3) Make sure we are speaking the truth in love.