Pastor Phil McCutchen

Best Question for the Worst Times

The following is a transcript of a message I recently gave at the funeral of a brother in Christ who took his own life.  The following has been edited to make it more applicable to the painful situations in your life where asking the right question and having the right conversation is critical to real progress.

THE BEST QUESTION FOR THE WORST TIMES

You are not the first person to say, “stop the world and let me off.”  The time and space between birth and eternity is often hard and there are passages that are painful beyond words.  The Apostle Paul said in Romans 7:24, “Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?”  And listen to what he said in Philippians 1:23 & 24, “I’m torn between two desires: I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me. But for your sakes, it is better that I continue to live.”  It doesn’t sound like the great Apostle always has his best life NOW!

Any one of us might give the answer that was given to a Frenchman who, at the turn of the century, went to a physician and said, ‘Doctor, you’ve got to help me. I can’t go on with life. Please help me end it all.’  And the doctor said, ‘Now, now, my friend, you mustn’t talk that way. You must laugh and smile and enjoy life. Make friends. Mix with people. Why not go to the circus tonight and see the great clown Deburau.  He will make you laugh and forget your troubles.’  The man said, ‘But doctor, I am Deburau.’

The two most painful and futile questions asked by humankind when we suffer are WHY?  & WHAT IF?  This is especially true when a loved one chooses to end it all because they couldn’t deal with their own “why’s and what if’s.”  Perhaps nothing is as emotionally frustrating as the experience of having a love one exit their earthly life completely on their terms.

Guy Delaney said the following when preaching a funeral of a 17 year old who committed suicide,  “Why, this is the question we are all asking ourselves and one another. Somehow if we could only answer this question our grief might be more bearable, somehow our guilt might not rise up and accuse us so arrestingly, somehow the gloom that hangs over us like a starless night might be lifted. Why?  It’s so natural for us to ask this question as if it’s answer could release us from the ache of our loved ones death.  But, my friends the answer to this question that keeps repeating itself in our hearts and conversations would not satisfy our heart’s desire. To know why would solve very little.  An answer would only give rise to the same question.  No reason would be enough to set our minds at ease.  No reason would return sparkle to our eyes and laughter to our voices.  What questions can we ask and what answers can we expect? Some questions we hesitate to ask for fear of the answers we may get, and some answers we give are worse than no answers.”

We are all going to ask why, but of course it is fruitless.  If the loved one that ended their life were to miraculously show up they couldn’t tell us why they did what they did.  Someone said, “To understand is to excuse.” That’s why it’s good to leave some things in the file marked, “beyond understanding.”  I am not saying to stop asking why, but I am saying, understand “why” for what it is.  It is your own cry of pain.  Jesus asked why on the cross, but did you notice that there was loud and deafening silence to his emotional appeal?  This is because there are no answers to why that will make the pain go away.

The second frustrating and futile question humankind asks is what if? On Sunday afternoon of February the 7th I got a phone call from a distraught mother who was with her depressed 54 year old son.  She handed the phone to him and we talked.  I got a summary of why he was so deeply sad, which was all centered around losing his job and having his unemployment run out.  I offered encouragement and invited him to let me help him with some practical solutions.  He and I talked again by phone on Tuesday.  Once again, I offered some practical solutions but by the end of the conversation it was becoming clear that he wasn’t absorbing my counsel; he just wanted the pain to stop.  I called back on Wednesday because I just had this overwhelming feeling he needed to check himself into the hospital.  He wasn’t sleeping and none of us can solve our problems in a state of exhaustion.  When I got off the phone, the thought occurred to me, “Go there and take him to the hospital yourself.”  I had a very full day that included an 8 o’clock meeting, a 10:30 Life Group I lead, then Alpa Group in the evening.  I pushed that thought of going myself away.  It wasn’t that I didn’t care; in fact I was looking forward to the challenge of helping this man get unstuck.  I knew that given time, we could do it.  Unfortunately and unbelievably he imposed his own final solution and ended his life on Thursday, February 11, 2016.  I have not stopped asking, “what if I had gone to his house on February 10th?”  I will ask that question of myself for the rest of my earthly life.  This past Tuesday, I gave the funeral sermon to a couple hundred people who were also asking “Why?” and “What if?”  One was asking, “what if I had given him a job?”  Another was asking “what if I had called him back?”  Many were asking, “what if we had stayed better connected?”  The list of “what if’s” goes on and on.  Some are too personal to even mention.

I know what I am about to challenge us to do is hard, but it’s so important that we go to a next level question.  I got this question when I was diagnosed with prostate cancer last October.  A few days after my diagnosis I walked into the Cracker Barrel restaurant in Wrentham to meet with my John 17:23 pastoral support group to tell them about my cancer.  I was expecting sympathetic looks, words of compassion, and promises of prayer.  I did get all that, by the way; but Pastor Dennis Baril went off script, as he often does.  Dennis smiled and announced triumphantly, “I can’t wait to see what God is going to do with this.”  This statement rocked me and caused me to realize I wasn’t asking the best question.

The people who ask this best question do get answers and they don’t resemble a dog pursuing his own tail.  Those who ask this question often achieve greatness.  The question, “What Could God Do With This,”  has become a gift to me that just keeps on giving. (Truth is always portable)  It was the farthest question from my mind. Why? What if?  and, “how can I make this go away?” were my questions.  I’ll spare you the details of my why’s and what if’s, however what God has done for me and taught me through having cancer can’t be contained in an entire article, much less a few sentences.  What God has done through my suffering would require a sermon series or a book.  I hope someone reading this will dare graduate to. “WHAT COULD GOD DO WITH THIS?”  This is not a psychological trick.

“What could God do with this?” is almost never asked, in regard to pain and problems.  I put this question in a Google search and it only came up in seven or eight places.  Not once was “What could God do with this,” related to suffering, but only things like, money, community and church.  Do we no longer believe in Romans 8:28, which has been a mantra for Christ followers all my life? Romans 8:28  says, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

CONTEXT OF ROMANS 8:28 is human suffering.  Romans 8:28 is sandwiched between verses about the pain of living in a fallen world.  Finding out “what God could do with this” is the only way to turn your pain into purpose.  Look at the context of that great and oft quoted passage.  Here are some before and after verses.

Romans 8:22-23  For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. … Romans 8:35-39 35  Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?  (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”)  No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

Thank God for Renee Napier, who gives us one of the greatest “what could God do with this” stories ever told.  On May 11th, 2002, a drunk driver killed Renee Napier’s daughter, Meagan, and Meagan’s friend, Lisa.  The driver, Eric Smallridge, was sentenced to 22 years in prison.  Renee went around giving talks against drunk driving.  But that wasn’t enough, God led her to reach out to Eric and not only forgive him but eventually, after she saw his contrition, ask a judge to reduce his sentence. Now they go together to speak to groups about drunk driving and forgiveness.  P.S. Matthew West song, Forgiveness was totally inspired by the Renee Napier story.

Over what have you gotten stuck with the unanswerable, “why and what if?”  Why did I take this job, hook up with this person, try that drug, engage in that act or move to this city?  What if I had taken that other opportunity, got in relationship with that other person, tried God instead of drugs, never committed that act or stayed where I had friends?  Just writing those words makes me feel tired.  But there’s a question that puts why and what if to rest; do you dare ask it today.  “WHAT COULD GOD DO WITH THIS?”