Do you ever know that you really could help someone but they just won’t let you? To be known and needed by others is a desire that beats in every human’s chest. I don’t believe this is just a matter of having our gifts appreciated or our worth validated. I think it’s much deeper than that. According to Genesis 1:28, we are to “fill the earth and be its master.” The urge to change the ugly to beautiful, the broken to restored, the lonely to befriended, the cursed to blessed, the sick to healed is calling from our cerebral cortex.

I believe the urge to matter is because we do matter and not just because we have big egos. Genesis 1:28 says we are created to “take dominion over creation.” Sure our ego, our pride, our sick need to control others gets in the way of pure desire. Unfortunately, Genesis 1 was written before “the fall of man” in Genesis 3, but the Cross of Jesus has redeemed us and while it hasn’t returned us to Eden it has restored us to the pre-curse pattern of power over chaos.

I love the story in Luke chapter eight of the woman who had suffered for twelve years from chronic bleeding until she reached out to Jesus. Luke 8:44 (NIV) She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped. “Who touched me?” Jesus asked. When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.” But Jesus said, “Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me.” Luke 8:44-46 (NIV)

It’s absolutely ludicrous to think that this story only points to receiving help from Jesus Christ directly. That being true, then we would do well to agree on two premises. (1) Other humans are “Jesus in skin” to us and (2) The suffering woman who “touched the edge of his cloak” has something to teach us about drawing out the power to positively transform our circumstance. For starters, I have asked myself the question, why don’t I/we get what I need from others when others have what I/you desperately need? Did any of us get what we have without receiving it? Someone who knew how to read gave you the ability to read. Someone else probably grew and processed the food you ate today. Someone else invented and manufactured the vehicle you drive. Someone else likely designed and manufactured the clothes you are wearing. Why do we keep perpetuating the myth of independence?

So why do we try and live out the words of the Simon and Garfunkel song, “I am a rock.” It goes…

“I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.”

Why don’t we go to others to get what we need, especially in matters that are deeply personal like emotional pain, relational dysfunction, moral failure and spiritual weaknesses? Why do we even get defensive when being taught about such matters? Why is it when someone tries to teach us, the words “I know, I know, I know” explode out of us like a giant force field to protect us against being overwhelmed by this evil agent of information?

1. We don’t get what we need from others because we don’t realize that God designed us to operate in emotional and relational systems.

The rugged individualism of American Culture and the strong Evangelical Christian teaching that having a bible and the Holy Spirit makes us adequate for any challenge, mitigate against the idea of needing another. But are we really little self contained units of all divine knowledge and all spiritual gifts?

1 Cor 12:7 (MSG) Each person is given something to do that shows who God is: Everyone gets in on it, everyone benefits. All kinds of things are handed out by the Spirit, and to all kinds of people! The variety is wonderful: wise counsel, clear understanding, simple trust, healing the sick, miraculous acts, proclamation, distinguishing between spirits tongues, interpretation of tongues. 1 Corinthians 12:7-10 (MSG)

2. We don’t get what we need from others because we don’t like the fact that we have to kiss a lot of “frogs” before we meet the “handsome prince.”

Everybody doesn’t have what you need. The gifts of God are distributed among the population. Even those who deeply care and diligently try will fail; thank them and move on. It’s not that the relational system doesn’t work, it’s just that Christ’s body is spread out over your network of human connections.

Now a woman, having a flow of blood for twelve years, who had spent all her livelihood on physicians and could not be healed by any. Luke 8:43 (NKJV)

Her secret of success was a willingness to keep networking, keep connecting until her faith brought out the best in the right person for her benefit. Someone reading this has started cutting off & distancing because of past disappointment and perhaps even heartache. I’m urging you to come off the bench and get back in the game.

3. We don’t get what we need from others because we naturally resist the effort required to push past physical inconvenience, emotional comfort zones and investing time to work on ourselves.

I know that was a mouthful, but I believe it’s important to consider that receiving from others requires a struggle that is very easy to avoid. Just the matter of avoiding other people’s emotional field is something I find myself doing all the time. If you go back and read Luke 8:43-48 you will see that this woman whose connection resulted in transformation had to jump all three of those hurdles. She’s one of my heroes.

I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong– Romans 1:11 (NIV)

By the way, this is not about some weird side-show church meeting where “God’s man/woman of power” comes down the aisle wearing a clerical robe and the desperate are grasping at the hem to mystically draw out healing powers. This is about very normal interactions with other humans like yourself, but doing so with intentionality, faith, tranquility and humility. A lot of people were, literally bumping into Jesus that day, but one woman touched him with purpose. May you be next to rediscover the power of another.