A Biblical Example

1 Kings 19:3-4 (MSG)  When Elijah saw how things were, he ran for dear life to Beersheba, far in the south of Judah. He left his young servant there  and then went on into the desert another day’s journey. He came to a lone broom bush and collapsed in its shade, wanting in the worst way to be done with it all—to just die.

Suicide isn’t merely a disease of the rich and famous …

Suicide was thrust into the spotlight last week with the deaths of fashion designer Kate Spade and chef, author, and TV personality Anthony Bourdain, both of whom reportedly lived with the pain of depression.  I feel like I have to speak up because, there’s just so much at stake.  It might appear that unlimited wealth and an over abundance of public affirmation makes suicidal depression more likely but my observation tells me that every strata of society is vulnerable.  I tried to minister to a father whose twelve year old son hung himself.  I begged a man in his forties who had lost his job to check himself into the hospital when I could tell I wasn’t reaching him. He said he would go to the hospital but took his own life the next morning.

I understand wanting it all to end …

While I don’t think I have ever been a high risk for suicide, I have thought it about it. If you read this last sentence and you think less of me that’s your problem.  I’ll humiliate myself even more if it will keep someone in emotional pain from making the irreversible decision to end their life.  Years ago, Ricky Nelson made a hit song of “Stop the world and let me off.” Some of us know the feeling the writer of that song was trying to express.  In spite of my strong faith in God, an incredibly meaningful life, and more friends than any man deserves I can remember times in the past that I too struggled to justify being.   Seriously, don’t worry about me but just be aware that wanting out of everything isn’t as rare as some of you might think.  NEVER look at another person and assume they have no reason or right to be irrationally sad.  Elijah experienced great success in his life but one day he got hit by a “perfect storm” that had him looking for the exit.

I’ve seen the inconsolable grief of those left behind …

Also, in my forty years of pastoral ministry I have walked with families through the horrible, perhaps the most horrible crisis possible of trying to sort out their feelings after their loved one ended their own life. Believe me, suicide can level the people that are left behind, that’s a part of the reasons I had to write this blog today.

Please consider this counsel if you’re thinking of suicide …

In a recent appearance by Jordan B. Peterson in Indianapolis, Indiana a young man in the audience emailed the following  question “I plan on taking my life very soon. Why shouldn’t I?”  I thought Dr. Peterson’s response was the most comprehensive, compassionate, and wise response I have heard. By the way, Peterson didn’t just coldly and mechanically blurt these things out, as my summary appears he did.  Efficiency of time and space demand that I present it this way.

• “You don’t own yourself the way that you own an object. You have a moral obligation to see yourself as a locus of Divine value, you can’t treat that casually.”  

The Bible says, “you are not your own, you are bought with a price…” 1 Cor. 6:19.  This sense that I belong to God has been such a powerful motivator for me to stay in the game.  This doesn’t mean you don’t have a lot of personal autonomy and freedom, it just means giving God the last word is logical. But even if you’re not a believer as I am, please question the accuracy of being radically independant.

• “Don’t leave the people around you with that to suffer with for the rest of their lives.”

I know people who seemingly will never be able to stopped being tortured by thoughts like, “if only I had done more.” “If only I had called.” “If only I had seen the warning signs.” Because suicide is so final, I know people who are still inconsolable years after the deed was done.  I get it, a possible motivation for suicide is that you want others to suffer for the misery they have caused you. You want people to wake up and regret their insensitivity. Listen, there’s reasonable retribution for wrongs suffered but suicide crosses the line.  And suicide punishes the innocent you leave behind more than the guilty. I’ve yet to see a narcissist be remorseful that their crazy making ways drove someone to self destruction. If someone blames you now for everything, they’ll keep blaming you after your gone.

•  “Don’t underestimate your value in the world.” 

Your exiting prematurely is going to leave a hole in the world that only you can fill.  I know this might be hard for you to imagine but you are a link to hundreds, perhaps even thousands, of people in ways that you can’t imagine.  Over three hundred people filled my church to pay their respects for a fellow believer who took his own life.  He had no idea how much he was valued.  Believe me, he was a very talented guy and the world seriously needs him around, his kids need him around, the church needs him around, and I could go on.

• “Don’t underestimate the fact that suicide is wrong.”

I am not talking here about the Biblical idea of sin, that’s a complicated conversation for another time.  I’m simply interpreting Peterson’s statement to mean that the universe is put together with a certain moral and spiritual structure which is made better or worse by our actions.  I believe there are some understood standards for what damages or improves the world.  Some things we can do are simply the committing of a wrong against nature as well as our creator.  I suspect that this is partly what has made my thoughts of checking out last no more than a few hours. The reliable guide inside my heart simply whispered, “Suicide would take a lot of courage, but that’s a wrong use of courage, use your courage to face the darkness, then live to tell others how to win over it; that would be right.”

Today, I take what I believe to be a healthy sense of pride in knowing I didn’t let the demons in the darkness win; so when someone tells me they’re depressed I stop and listen real good because I know they can beat the dark forces too.  If you’re thinking of suicide, you have a more important choice than you think.  You could face the adversary of darkness and then show others the way or you could be dead.

P.S.  If this is helpful let me know.  I’m thinking of writing a blog on creating healthy family and relational systems that support better mental and emotional health.  I am not suggesting we can take responsibility for others life and death decisions but wouldn’t you like to create better communities for human flourishing?  I would.