2 Timothy 2:24 And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.
Hi, I’m Philip McCutchen and I am a recovering love-aholic. That’s right, I’m an affirmation addict. I was blessed with parents who sat around the piano at home and marveled at the hit songs I was writing. I was blessed by uncles and aunts who would show up to where I would preach as a teen-age preacher and tell me how deep my insights into scripture were. That’s the beginning of how I started mainlining praise like a junkie shoots up heroin.
You can see how I was set up to lose my sanity right? By the way, a lot of wonderful people who also love me deeply have helped me to get healthier and less dependent on my drug of choice. The result is that I actually like myself more. It’s a lot easier to love yourself when you’re not waiting for others to find out if you’re okay. Not only do I have my close friends and family to thank for helping me to get better I have a Christian psychologist friend who got me digging into Murray Bowen’s “Family Systems Theory.” I always read the Bible but “Family Systems Theory” has given me a more accurate lens to read the Bible through.
Don’t get me wrong I still value affirmation, but I am better at not over-valuing people liking my stuff. I am getting better at viewing affirmation as a sign that I succeeded in giving others what they need instead of saying to myself, “whew, I really am good.” I also understand that at times the most authentic and even loving thing another can do is offer criticism. And when I don’t think the criticism is valid it’s a lot easier to set it aside because I am not viewing another’s opinion as my lifeline to self worth.
When we have to write the script for how others behave toward us we can expend a lot of energy trying to bend them to our will. I still want to motivate people to like my ideas and learn from my insights. By the way Christ-based self esteem is not an, “I don’t care what anybody thinks attitude.” As a leader, I am mandated to bring the church into agreement, but forcing others to feel a certain way or be a certain way is not Christ-like and is one of the surest ways to feel crazy inside all the time.
Oh sure, I fall back into my old way of thinking sometimes and I probably always will, but I know where my unwavering affirmation comes from better than ever. “On a hill far away, stood and old rugged cross, an emblem of suffering and shame; and I love that old cross where the dearest and best for a world of lost sinners was slain.” My value was established on “that old rugged cross,” and nothing or no one can take it away.
