Ever have one of those nights when your brain won’t shut down because you had a stressful day?  You’re laying there and it’s like you suddenly realize there’s two of you, the part of you who wants to go to sleep and the part of you who won’t shut up; the part of you that forgives all the mistakes you made that day and the part of you that screams, “die loser.”  I don’t have an inner self that tells me I am awesome or anything; I just have met a personality somewhere in my brain that cares about stuff, but not enough to blame others indiscriminately or beat me up unmercifully.

I really like the character that doesn’t care too much about things and just wants to go to sleep, but I have difficulty trusting him.  After all, the worried and regretful voice in my head has to be the more intellectual of the two, right? Hey, it takes a lot more mental agility to recall and reorganize all the injustices & errors of the day I just lived. I would think it takes a fully evolved brain to divvy out appropriate amounts of shame and blame toward myself and other deserving parties; to rehearse the next arguments I plan to win.   The voice that says, “Rest and get your sleep,” has to be the sentiments of a dull stupid man, right?   Isn’t it the people who get the low paying jobs, don’t believe in climate change and join the Tea Party the ones who aren’t good at “critical thinking”?

I finally got up turned on the lights, read for an hour, took a hot bath and by then both my higher and lower self agreed to call a truce.  Even the genius within can be worn down.  As it turns out Israel’s second King had nights like that as well.  Here’s what he had to say, and at least for me, it sheds light on which inner self really has the smarts.

Psalm 42: (MSG)! Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God— soon I’ll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He’s my God. ⁶ When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse everything I know of you, From Jordan depths to Hermon heights, including Mount Mizar.  Sometimes I ask God, my rock-solid God, “Why did you let me down? Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God— soon I’ll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He’s my God.

Wow, the voice that says, “go to sleep” is the genius.  The part of my mind that understands a sovereign God is in charge is the best informed. The part of me that doesn’t take the world on their shoulders is the voice with the correct data.  The bible says, “he that keepeth Israel, neither slumbers nor sleeps.”  Since God doesn’t sleep, we can. Since God is working the night shift, we don’t have to.  The word soul obviously encompasses the emotions and King David understood that his emotions were ignorant of God’s love, power and care.

King David challenged the raging wise guy within with stern questions, “why are you in the dumps, soul?”  “Why are you crying the blues?”.  David was an emotional man.  He was a songwriter. He was a shepherd. He was a man who could enjoy solitude.  Needing solitude can be a double-edged sword.  His tragic fling with Bathsheba was the action of a man who self medicated when he felt lonely.  David must have known that the overwrought soul would lead us away from God and when we go away from God we go to the dark side.  It’s not pretty.

There was a period of my life several years ago when nights like I just described got strung together.  They are now rare, thankfully.  I refuse to get over confident and I have learned to never say, “I have learned.”  So to make sure you know that I know I haven’t arrived, let me say, I am learning to battle with my soul till God wins.   Hey, who knew that soaking in a hot bath could be a form of spiritual warfare?